really hurt

I really hurt today . .. .  i am attaching myself to that man and i have NO RIGHT.

But more than that I am un-attaching from my Shepherd, which hurts even worse..... deeply wounds me.........

so much so that my soul weeps and squeezes the tears from my eyes.

He wants my total trust, nothing held back.
He commands my absolute confidence.
There is no area that He is unable to handle.
God is a specialist in every circumstance, daily. 

genuine conversation with my Shepherd

In the Psalms, we too find a full range of emotional expression and genuineness available for our conversations with the Lord. 
They mine feelings we might otherwise lack words for:
 praise and adoration for our Almighty God,
 the trust in Him we already have or hope to have more of,
 the joy we experience over His provision and answered prayers,
 the fears and anger we wrestle with,
 the relief of God's steadiness as a refuge,
 the earnest supplication for help when we have no answers of our own. 
These prayer songs help us stay close to our God who infinitely loves us as we journey through our lives in the light and grace of His Son, Jesus Christ. 

1You, God, are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

where there is no water.

2I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

3Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

4I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

7Because you are my help,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8I cling to you;

your right hand upholds me.

Mercy and Is 26:3-4

.... mercy doesnt care what you've done.....

i don't remember the song, just the lyrics, as I was mindlessly dribbling at my desk...
they struck my inner core and jumped me to attention.  The phrase was meant for me.

I have not actively dwelled in praise and worship to my God Almighty for a week now....  I am quite restless about that as well as restless in spirit ....  He still waits for me in my secret place.
But His mercy doesnt care what I've done.

Is 26 came to my attention.  I noted it.  Today I read it.

3You will keep in perfect peace

those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you.

Swindoll's study notes read:
God wants our total trust.
Nothing held back.
He commands our absolute confidence.
There is no area that he is unable to handle.
God is a specialist in every circumstance . . . today.

4Trust in the Lord forever,

for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

There is nothing more to say, really.

to the Makore's

I wrote this to the Makore's, but I must put it here as well

There are so many formalities with World Vision in Zimbabwe to enable me to see this child Rufaro. I feel at a lack of hope at this point. WV-USA office knows that this is only part of the reason I wish to visit Zimbabwe. The time I stay in Zimbabwe is greatly determined by seeing this child. She is not my entire focus.

When I initially went into Zim from S Africa, when I first arrived, Judy Parker and I were detained at the border for 8hours. We were searched, interegated together and seperately . . . . I stood firm in my hope and faith. . . . .although extremely frightened. Having "huge" guns pointed at me and ordered about at the point of them was frightening to say the least. In many ways, I feel a much milder form of this and my hope is fading. My hope is not only fading to see this child but also of even having the opportunity to go "home."

When I moved in to live with my mother, I purchased a wall hanging. There was particular reason for the purchase but over the years with my mum and now alone, I do feel it acutely..... the saying is "home is where your story begins." "My" story began in Tanzania, in Mwanza and Shinyanga; with my parents. I committed to taking care of my parents, the ones who raisied me in a Godly home, and as a missionary kid. Once again I have a chance to visit near where my story began, a place I still consider home.

The Lord knows how long I have longed and desired this return to the beginning of my story. A friend seriously asked me, "will you return?" As in to the States. I laughed some but I would love to stay forever, until I see the Lord.

I want, wish, desire to visit with all those who left a footprint in my life.

Morning Has Broken

I read some beautiful verses this morning:

7But I, by your great love,

can come into your house;

in reverence I bow down

8Lead me, Lord, in your righteousness

make your way straight before me.

11But let all who take refuge in you be glad;

let them ever sing for joy.

Spread your protection over them,

that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

12Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;

you surround them with your favor as with a shield. 

I thought of the many missionaries, family, friends, pastors who need a hedge/shield about them as they abide in You and with so many temptations/issues/concerns near, they need to be able to flee to You and rest.  That was from Psalm 5.

Next I read from Psalm 59

16But I will sing of your strength,

in the morning I will sing of your love;

for you are my fortress,

my refuge in times of trouble.

17You are my strength, I sing praise to you;

you, God, are my fortress,

my God on whom I can rely.

Verse 17 is a repeat from verse 9.
Then I read ~~
Wearily, I tried to focus on Jesus. 
Suddenly, "Morning has broken like the first morning" tunefully flooded the room  . . . .

Jesus seems to delight in surprising us with new ways of revealing His presence - often amazingly personal, meaningful, and memorable ones. Sometimes it's as though He's singing to us Himself with soothing lullabies and His heart's most expressive melodies (Zephaniah 3:17). Equally He delights in our recognition and appreciation of His companionship and care, the sweetest of songs to His loving ears. 

17The Lord your God is with you,

the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.”

My Father and Good Shepherd DOES take excellent care of us/me.  How I do NOT stop to thank Him enough and sometimes never.  I thanked Chrissy for her help, yet did I stop to thank the Lord for His protection and guidance  whilst doing the storage clean out yesterday?  Or did I even stop to thank Him for Chrissy helping (and her kids) unselfishly and then for her giving me $50 of the $1000 she owes me?  I think I did last night, but I do not remember.

I had thought about a verse for this year but didnt get it going....I had come across Zeph 3:17 knowing it was for me this year.... so I claim it.

Psalm 119: 54, 171, 172

We carry God's guiding words and principles with us like a satisfying song.

Greatly Blessed, Highly Favored [Live]