anxiety, contentment, sin

I read this and sobbed.... knowing that i was pulled away from my Shepherd with anxiousness and needless anxiety . .... mostly about monthly money and the bills . . . . enough for the month yet at least some to put away for taxes and groceries and a few simple gifts, not for myself, but for others.   Giving them hamydowns i find in my boxes are no gifts at all.

I dont want to doubt God's loving kindness

I dont want to mistrust and grieve the Holy Spirit

I dont want my prayers hindered and turn in a self seeking wretch.

I dont want to have misplaced confidence and be lead astray by my own sin full lusts.

Which I am doing by seeking for a man to love and love me.

Maybe it helps or not, i dont know, but there will be no companion yoke if he is not a man of God.

Then today i read....

David himself spent many years running for his life from King Saul. Like the sheep from his childhood, David knew himself to be in danger but had confidence in the God who was with him. The Lord took care of David through those years of waiting,

 and of course i think of myself running from my tax problems...instead of facing them and going through all the papers that lay around waiting for me to sift through them, getting what is necessary for Bass law office to file and file bankruptcy.

What is waiting for you on the other side of your present trial? Only the Lord knows, but there are two things you can be sure of. It will have been for your good, and it will have transformed you to more closely resemble the character of Christ, moving you to a place of contentment in Him. 

I do want to be content in HIM

and now I AM NOT.