Your sheep are longing........

Shepherd

Shepherd, Your sheep are weary, cold and tired,
battered and bruised and torn
and Shepherd, Your sheep are hungry
we got what we wanted but we still need something more

we need to hear Your voice
whatever You might say
we just need to hear Your voice
show us the way

Shepherd, Your sheep are lost
we chased our wants that we thought were needs
and now we cant get home
Shepherd, Your sheep are longing and we ran
and then we played and we danced,
but we're empty.

Shepherd, these sheep are Yours
we tried to be king, but we dont want to anymore

And we need to hear Your voice
whatever You might say
We need to hear your voice
show us the way,
please show us the way

We need to hear Your voice
whatever you might say
we just need to hear Your voice
show us the way, wont You show us the way


Grace Like rain

have i done my best for the Master?

I have often pondered,  will what I know when I woke this morning
still be the same when I close my eyes to sleep?
and when thought such a thing...............
I know i have not served well nor have i pleased my Shepherd.

forgive me Shepherd, please forgive me.

why?

why Shepherd?  why is she so selfish and ugly and still plays her games of attempting to guilt me?
we could have fun in some small way and yet she sits on purpose.
one of these days i will not hear her feeble cry which she says is so loud and yet she hears me crying at night.
will danni alarm me when I have fallen exhausted to sleep or will i be punished for not hearing and have guilt forever for not hearing like when i fell exhaustedly asleep when daddy spent his last night in the hospital and i should have been there.

why are there ALWAYS regrets????

i have no place but willing to be by your side and yet I fell as if I am only longing to be under the tree sitting in your arms............i desperately need your arms.

deep longings

I wrote to Vicki

I would just like to know how you are?

The second note came with something like, I don't want to have anything to do with or I want to forget this incidemt existed  .....

 

I wanted to say:

"you and i do exist !  we will never forget but we will learn.
if you wish to forget i exist, i understand.

 

you are the one Sir indicated he did not want tis why I am asking that you share how you are doing.  if you choose not to, once again, i understand."

but she had already blocked me.

 

She removed her mail, sent 45 minutes apart.

 

I called Tim and asked why should I not have asked Vicki how she was doing?

He was VERY irritated I had written at all because he said she wanted to move on. I disrespected her.

 

He boiled down to an argument with me saying I CARE  he said No YOU WANT TO KNOW IF SHE IS STILL WITH ME.

I was disrespectful of her feelings.  I disagreed.

 

I thought about the deep longings we each have:

belonging

love

security

purpose

significance

 

Truthfully all I wanted to know was how she was and did not expect the crap that followed by her nor by him.

 

Then I read Sheri's mail.  I am deeply sad because I am NOT allowed to trully CARE about someone/  I was where she is once and I had NO motive other than to know if she was ok.

This time Tim ran to her rescue, calling me a liar.

 

I didn't want to talk about it and he said to write it in my journal was not forgetting but lingering on it.

I told him my journal was an assignment from Sheri.  He replied, then do as she said.

 

My emotions also allow me to care more and empathize far more with/for others than the "normal" person who only wants to say, "then fuck off." 

 

I am devasatated he told me i disrespected her and i was a liar.

I do not know how to tell him, without him bringing up that I am lingering on it.

I want my feeling acknowledged, just acknowledged, to be understood and for him to know that acknowledging her pain and significance is important to me.

When Joe betrayed me ~ twice (moving in with her and lying about it, begging me for midnight phone sex) and then with Elizabeth, i was attacked as "crazy" and a psycho~bitch.  The first kicked him out after he degraded himself and begged for her to take him, while Elizabeth laughed at me.  He was engaged to the first and married the second.  I am sure by now E knows that he is playing around on her.  

If E was kind, caring and a sensitive person, she would have done for me what I did for Vicki.

I was NOT disrespectful. I was seeking to understand.  My intentions were not of harm but of understanding that she was ok.

 

 I so wish I could scan Sheri's letter here.

complete in thee............

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4066258&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=27739133121&aid=-1&id=666631405#!/video/video.php?v=386698765434&ref=mf


Complete in Thee! no work of mine


May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;

Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,

And I am now complete in Thee.

Yea, justified! O blessed thought!

And sanctified! Salvation wrought!

Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,

And glorified, I too, shall be!Complete in Thee—no more shall sin,

*****Thy grace hath conquered, reign within;

*****Thy voice shall bid the tempter flee,

*****And I shall stand complete in Thee.Complete in Thee—each want supplied,

And no good thing to me denied;

Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,

I ask no more, complete in Thee.Dear Savior! when before Thy bar

All tribes and tongues assembled are,

*****Among Thy chosen will I be,

At Thy right hand—complete in Thee.
 
 
http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/328

what do i do?...

Painful moments, trust God

Difficult moments, seek God

betrayed again...........

Oh my Shepherd,  I feel your staff pulling me to your side.  It is comforting.  Shelter me and help me though this trial of betrayal.  If it is true that this is how he feels, then I must let him go.  You know I am not either and am strong and trusting you.

He screamed at me on the phone that you are emotionally unstable and that this will probably cause you to be suicidal, and that I will be ultimately responsible for your death, he laid that on quite thick. He said he has not seen you in over a year, and that you have so many emotional problems that he "lets" you call him sir or daddy because it helps your emotional state, but that you're really NOT his sub.



I was worried that you would tell me he was not right for me and that you would take him away from me.  If this is your way, then to your side I will cling.

I want Sheri to right to him and tell him I am not suicidal nor unstable.  Os this right or am I just wanting to make a wrong right which is up to you?

your sheep