On Wed I read, I ". . .to see Jesus."
"Have you noticed how easy it is to become distracted from our first priority?
How we need the passion behind the words of John 12:21: "Sir, we would like to see Jesus"! I taped a copy of that verse to the pen holder on my desk, facing me, as a daily reminder to not be sidetracked with non-essentials. You may be trying to find your way through life and all of its clutter. What you really need is to see Jesus. Nail these words to your own spirit, remembering that Jesus' greatest priority, even as the nails held Him to the cross, is you!!"

After reading I ask him for a sign of some sort.  A rainbow appearedin the sky soon after.  I thought . . .  he did hear me.

Thursday and yesterday in my darkness, after applying for disability, I really doubted his care of me, his provision.  I asked for a rainbow.  Nothing, or I didntwait long enough.

Today, I walked out with the dogs. . . . nothing in the sky when suddenly a vivid rainbow appeared, wider than on Wed.

Do you believe Me?  I heard.  Yes I do Lord.

Do you TRUST Me?  I murmured about this for a few moments, arguing.
Do you trust me now? I heard. Yes I trust You, I finally answered.

I realized I am not the only one who is going through the doubt that God will provide so I asked that others would see it and trust.

Lord, is it too muchto askf ora nother?  I waited.  Another rainbow appeared.  Assurance that I can believe and trust in Him.

I wasnt hearing music just lost in my thoughts.
I walked inside and heard "He's alive ! I want to thank you, thank you thank you. . . . ." by Peter Furler.  My favorite song right now.

I do not know if this means I will get disability, but I know He will provide and tht I can trust Him and believe Him.

Yesterday afternoon after going to my safe and quiet place with Him, crying out, I asked to feel his breath upon my face and neck.  I doubted as there was no breeze out here.  But a gentle whisperof a breeze, a definite movingtouvhed upon my check and neck.  I felt his breath upon me.

Sheri had written to me on Wed . . . "hang on. Lean into your Shepherd.  Right now only for comfort in the darkness. Lean on Him so close that he can breath for you."

Sometimesthe darkness chockes me and yes, I must lean in and let him breath for me and find comfort, even in the darkness.

But to feel His breath?   When I asked?  If for no other reason to believe and trust, it is because I know he is with me and loves me, feels with me and is here at all times; even if I doubt.  And I must go to Him even if for nothing but comfort in those feelings for He too feels with me.

Safe at last in the father's love.

gratitude, the twin of contentment.
I am not content.  I want so much more for myself.
The lack of companionship makes it hard.
I long for mom, cuase even though I hurt physically and emotionally so much when she was with me, I was unconditonally loved and had her.

She left me when she knew God would take care of me.
That I needed to rest in the Lord and I had Sheri to help.  Now I dont have Sheri like before and I am struggling to find myself and my place.

Being so overwhelmed and with lack of ambition, motivation is so hard.  I roam about more than I have the courage to tackle an easy job.

One thing I am grateful for is the tools Sheri instilled in me mostly that  "He has said in all of your afflictions, He Himself is afflicted. Why? Because He understands! And He loves you!"
I am not sure I could make it through a day without the encouragment of His truth via KLOVE.

In all their affliction He was afflicted; . . . in His love and in His pity He redeemed them.

Isaiah 63:9, NKJV

When was the last time you wept into your pillow at night, thinking no one cared? Is the pain so deep and your hurt so great that you cry night after night? In your misery and loneliness, do you think Jesus is emotionally detached? That He just doesn't care? Or that He's simply too busy to notice? Or that He is somewhat callous since He sees a lot of pain that's worse than yours? Or that He couldn't possibly understand how you feel? Or that He's not concerned enough to meet your needs?

Did you know that Jesus weeps with you? Did you know He puts all your tears in a bottle because they are precious to Him? (Ps. 56:8, NKJV) He has said in all of your afflictions, He Himself is afflicted. Why? Because He understands! And He loves you!

Your suffering is His.

Your grief is His.

Your tears are on His face!






Sheri tried to teach me this truth for so long . . . .  and I finally got it.  
But so soon I find it hard to understand and realize deep in my soul.
Yet the truth is still there, whether I appropriate it or not.  I shared it with Linda, hope it helps her.


I need motivation and He understands.
I need companionship and he understand that.
I cry of loneliness and he cried too.
I hurt from grief and He hurts too.

troubles and trials often betray those
causing the weary body to stray
but we shall walk beside the still waters
with the Good Shepherd leading the way

those who have strayed were sought by the Master
He who once gave His life for the sheep
out on the mountain still He is searching
bringing them in forever to keep

going up home to live in green pastures
where we shall live and dine evermore
even the lord will be in that number
when we shall reach that heavenly shore

we will not heed the voice of a stranger
for he will lead us on to despair
following on with Jesus our Saviour
we shall all reach that country so fair

This is MY song . . . . .