wandering about....

I almost gave him my sheep (brown and white one).... what a sham that would have been....

I have been up for 6 hours now and all I seem to do is wonder about the house...
getting ready for my shower but never taking it....
setting out my clothes but knowing I wont get dresses....
cleaning out a jewelry box, not knowing if I should keep it or not....
eating fish for breakfast and black coffee with whipping cream cause I have no eggs or milk....

just longing for my "daddy".........
longing for companionship....
longing for my mum.....

wanting to meet my Shepherd, but just not going to my place to meet Him....

writing email just to pass the time of day, conversing with my freind....but knowing its not the same...
dinking on CM hoping to find "him" like a magic remedy....

I think I will go back to bed.........

Bind my wondering heart to Thee

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing
By: Robert Robinson, 1735-90

Come, Thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.

While the hope of endless glory
Fills my heart with joy and love,
Teach me ever to adore Thee;
May I still Thy goodness prove.

Here I raise my Ebenezer,
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be;
Let that grace now like a fetter
Bind my wondering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Oh, that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in the blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy wondrous grace!

Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send Thine angels soon to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

the alter of my heart, private prayer

fulfilling my debt to Christ

"I am convinced the greatest act of love

 I can ever perform for people

 is to tell them about God's love for them in Christ."

~~ Billy Graham

hunger and thrist

I have come to a place where I truly HUNGER AND THIRST for God.

What is it that I should do with this hunger and thrist....continue to ignore it?  Not this time.
It is much too STRONG.

Anchor this month is not very "meaty" so I shal continue with Spurgeon and Chambers.

beyond the valley of the shadow of death

I read this today from Spurgeon and thanked God that neither mum nor dad were aware of the great deal of pain, sorrow, and anguish that could have surrounded their agonizing deaths.

There were kept, strengthened and welcomed into His Arms peacefully and with abundant joy.

I still slob..yes that too, sob as I remember their deaths. but also of the Godly lives they lived... even tho I strayed so far from mum's love.

I respond to Angel

Angel,

Thank you SOOOOOO much for your letter.

I am not one to write by hand anymore if I dont have too.
But yes I could read yours.  It was mum's handwriting I had a hard
time reading while most others could read hers.

Several things,  I could NOT proceed in your letter after the first page.
I sobbed.

Everything you said about my mum was true and accurate.
Some day i want god to allow me to be as Godly as she was.

My freind Chrissy and I went Strawberry picking on Saturday and we
Both commented on how mum and her grandmother took us strawberry
picking and it was one of those times that was a very happy memory for
both of us.  When she was in the house with me later, she made a comment
that she realizes how much i still miss mum . . . I have at least one picture
of her in each room and another of Dad and Mum.  We laughed.

Secondly, I deeply appreciated everything you told me.
In front of me on the wall is a Quote:  "A thousand times I've failed.
STILL YOUR GRACE REMAINS. And should I stumble again, I'm caught
in Your GRACE."  No matter how far away from God I stray; no matter
how far away I strayed from the love of my mum and dad... mercy and
grace were always ready for me when i turned back.

I will cherish your letter.

Thank you for being there for my mum and I thank God you could
share with me the things you have.

the GRACE and MERCY of His LOVE