God's love is strong sings Jon Foreman. (of Switchfoot)

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
>I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
**Invade my heart
**Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
<<Will you sell yourself
<<To buy the one you've found?

**Two things you told me
**That you are strong
**And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Feeling and knowing God's love is a journey........
Fear, that is respect for character and authority, leads to obedience says Duet 10:12 and it is commanded in Micah 6:8.
Love flows out of deep gratitude for his love for me........  I don't know that love as i would like to experience it....not yet, it is a journey .............

*****This year I want to search and know God's love for me, so I might "Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive." ~~Jesus, Shepherd, Son of god, Saviour, Redeemer.

"Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man (and woman) . . . .He (she) will have no fear of bad news; his (her) heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord" Ps 112:4, 7

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

****I also have made a decision to finally loose my weight.  Just as I stopped smoking, I can loose my weight..... I am starting Nutrisystem on the first day of my new year.

****Scripture I want to memorize:  Micah 6:8
                                                       Duet 10:12
                                                       Psalm 63:1-8;  112:4,7

Boo is hurting again cause of his girl.  Take him in your arms and love him in a special way.  Sheri tells me to let God draw me, please God draw him and let him know your will the best.
                                                                                                                
I start my new year with snow, a perm (first is thousands of years :>}}) praising God that I am alive and well, I have Sheri, mom is still here and I am much more patient with her. 
I am not sure Matt is the one for me, but I believe he is the treasure I seek.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
(COLOSSIANS 2:6-7)
Gardeners know deep roots yield healthy trees. Deep roots are less likely to be impacted by changes in the environment and more likely to help the tree withstand storms.
Trees are not alone in their need for deep, strong roots. And just as buildings must have solid foundations, we need to have deep roots. We must root ourselves in solid doctrine - biblical truth about who Jesus Christ is, what He has done for us, and who we are as a result.
Doctrine is not a popular word. It evokes thoughts of dry theology. But doctrine is simply knowing what we believe and why we believe it. With deep, strong roots, we are less likely to be deceived by human tradition and the principles of this world (Colossians 2:8). We need to sink our roots into the rich soil of the gospel of Jesus Christ - His substitutionary death, burial, and resurrection (I Corinthians 15:3-4).

father God, Shepherd, you promised no more physical or emotional struggles when you come again in the new jerusalem...............
many of the emotional struggles I bring upon myself as i do not have patience, relax and just trust you..... i dont know how to trust, to love you....sheri said it was a journey......
this coming new year will you take me on this journey so that instead of looking at you tend the sheep and just gazing with longing for your arms and love, i might really know it......Know it.

i have been more patient with mum....thank you I see it...... the eagerness and longing has made me look clingy and dependent to matt and if it is right he will realize what it is that i ask for.......  I somehow cannot leave that to you either and i so want to....badly. 

i dob not want to drive away, but stay confident and strong in you.......................  I just do not want to be alone, please Shepherd, I beg of You.

.Remedial Dating for the Chronologically Challenged

we’re talking here about communicating sincere, heartfelt admiration for qualities in your partner. It’s about identifying traits you value about the person you’re dating and expressing authentic appreciation.
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Psychologists have identified a “secret” to wonderful relationships: Our love for another person is strongly influenced by how that individual makes us feel about ourselves. Since one of the most potent motivations in life is to feel good about ourselves, we will be drawn to a person who gives a boost to our self-esteem. Some may say this principle sounds self-centered and egocentric, but it is a basic fact of human nature. And indeed this can be a powerful positive force: couples with the best relationships are the ones who encourage, praise, and build up each other.
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If you are looking for a lasting and loving relationship, keep this principle front and center in your mind: When you help your lover feel great about himself or herself -- and use compliments to do so -- the love will return to you tenfold.
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 Above all, flirting is about standing out from the crowd in a playful, alluring way.
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 “How to express your physical affection.” Either way, the point is: Teenagers kiss like their lives are at stake. They’d make out straight through an earthquake or a bomb blast rather than divert attention from their beloved. They consider every second together to be a stolen jewel the authorities are likely to confiscate at any moment, so they make the most of each one. Chances are, your previous relationship had mellowed into a comfortable coziness without much urgency. Don’t make the mistake of expecting your new romance to pick up where that one left off. Let your heart race like a giddy kid. Steal some delicious moments again.
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Young people are often exuberant and excessive in their expressions of love --and that’s part of the joy of youthful love. Just because you’re “older and wiser” doesn’t mean you have to be stuffy and restrained with your feelings. Go on—be a little flowery and fervent.

The Biggest Mistake Women Make

Once we meet a man we really like, we women tend to dive right in. We want to give our hearts, mind and very soul to a man, and meld together into a perfect relationship. We give away our exclusivity before a man gives us the commitment we want.

When we close off our options with other men too soon, we actually sabotage our ability to get the commitment and intimacy we so desire. It's the biggest mistake women make, and you need to stop it - right now! - and start dating many men at the same time until you have the commitment you want from the man who is right for you.

Here's why:

NO MORE NEEDY VIBE THAT PUSHES MEN AWAY

When you have all your hopes and dreams wrapped up in any one guy, it's natural to fear losing him...and losing you. You become obsessed with every phone call, jump when he says jump, and change from the attractive, interesting woman who intrigued him into someone needy and clingy he feels pressured to check in with. 

Instead, keep your options open to keep your sanity and remind him that you are a prize to be won. When you stop over-investing too quickly, you'll start getting the kind of affection and attention you crave.

HELPING YOU CHOOSE A PARTNER WISELY

It's hard to see the red flags when there is only one guy on the horizon. If you think he's your only hope, you tend to gloss over things about him that indicate he's a good match. These red flags become landmines over time, and suddenly you've wasted a lot of love and affection on someone who isn't deserving of you.

Dating is about getting to know different people until one special person emerges as the cream of the crop, and you both decide to take things to the next level. You get to CHOOSE if he is the right man for you, and have the time to find out who he is and how he will treat you.

THE RIGHT WAY TO TAKE THINGS SLOWLY

Everyone tells you to "take things slow," but how on Earth are you supposed to do that when you're head over heels for someone?  Easy:  keep dating other guys.  There's no point in trying to slow things down with a man when he's the only one you're dating.  It's practically impossible.

But if you keep dating other men, you are instantly able to take it slowly. Your schedule is busy with other dates and activities so that you're automatically not always available to any one man, and it also gives you time to catch your breath and reflect on what he is revealing to you about himself.  

OPENING THE DOOR FOR PLEASANT SURPRISES

I'm sure you've heard that you should "throw out the checklist" and not be too picky when it comes to men and dating.  But I'm here to tell you that if you throw out the idea of dating one man at a time, you have a much better chance of winding up with your checklist...and more.  By keeping your options open and increasing the number of men you meet and date, you increase the likelihood of meeting the man you've been dreaming of...rather than settling for whomever you happen to meet first.

SO DATE MANY MEN TO HELP YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE

Dating many men at the same time is about helping you feel empowered and raising your self esteem.  It's about making you the chooser...not the chaser.

So give it a try.  Just treat it as an experiment.  Open yourself up to getting to know as many men as you can and, when one shows up that you really connect with, don't make the mistake of shutting down other options right away.  Make him prove to you that he's worth choosing. I'm willing to bet it will get you faster to your "one" than you ever imagined.

I am going to see Tom

I was so impationet with mom, attempting to stand up....it was like she was NOT trying....I walk away if she is safe and come back ~~ I did so today but prior to it, I actually slapped her ass.  First time ever I have placed a hand on mom.  I feel sooooo bad about it.  There is no mark, not yet.

Always aside from loosing weight, which I never seem to have the will power for, tis a goal for this year, year 56.  This year I will have help from Nutrisystem and the "bar" for help.

God's love is strong sings Joe Foreman.
Feeling and knowing God's love is a journey says Sheri.
Fear, that is respect for character and authority, leads to obedience says Duet 10:12 and it is commanded in Micah 6:8.
Love flows out of deep gratitude for his love for me........  I don't know that love as i would like to experience it....not yet, it is a journey says Sheri.

This year I want to search and know God's love for me, so I might "Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive." ~~Jesus, Shepherd, Son of god, Saviour, Redeemer.

finding it hard to edit last post

"When you feel like youre alone in your sadness and it seems like no one in this world cares....
and you want to get away from the madness...
you call my name, i'll be there...
....its been so long since you felt like you were loved so what went wrong...
you know there is a place where you belong, in my arms....
Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive."

Sjeri really wants me to learn how to rech out for jesus and KNOW his love..... I told her I have a hard time.
"It's a journey....."

I told her I picture the Shepherd over there under the tree with his staff and the sheep grazing and all he and I do is look at each other, desiring, from my spot on top of the hill..... up yonder.

"I cannot reach him"
He will reach out for you........"  I must continue to go to him, cry out for him in my sadness and weariness, seek him...... it is a journey to feel the love i know is there. 

There is an 18 in seperation between my heart and head.......what I feeel and what I know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gm-njPYvj4Q


Saw Sheri today..... brought sadness and weariness with me and the words of a song I heard this am........

"When you feel like youre alone in your sadness and it seems like no one in this world cares....
and you want to get away from the madness...
you call my name, i'll be there...

....its been so long since you felt like you were loved so what went wrong...
you know there is a place where you belong, in my arms....

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt the love I have for you is so alive."

We discussed Tim a tad and how unemotionally attached he was and how much healthier I am without his weight around my neck.

I told I have been faithful in communicating with Matt, but he has not reciprocated and still looks..........
She brought up his age....

She brought up relocation and how I felt about it and she ended the topic by saying I have "depth" and "intensity" "ready for a committed relationship" and that I am "more than ready" to leave this place once mum is gone.

No one has described me like that.... yes I do want to hold deep conversations with my lover, to be able to share the great love I have stored for all these years with someone who is totally into me.............

I am weary and sad from the waiting and the longing, desiring and the looking.

I had my normal cry and went out a better person, loving more of me than I had going in.
The radio went on and moments later I heard...........

"He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said

“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew"
(JJ Heller)

.... I had to pull over and grieve cry, pull myself together and tell myself...today I have done something for myself, just me and now I go to buy my new cookware. If I do not do something for me, just because I deserve it, no one else will.

Will share with Matt

"Call My Name"   (Third Day)

It's been so long since you felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know there's a place where you belong
Here in my arms

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
And it seems like no one in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call my name and I'll be there
You just call my name and I'll be there

The pain inside has erased your hope for love
But soon you will find
That I'll give you all that your heart could ever want
And so much more

You just call my name
You just call my name

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call my name
You just call my name
You just call my name now

The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just call my name
You just call my name
You just call my name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjO1F6oCab8&NR=1

He didn't have to be be the dad he didn't need to be.

So much much I have had and been given, yet I want all that I never had........
the song makes me sad and hopeful at the same time.....that Matt might really be the man I want and need to love and he me.