father God, Shepherd, you promised no more physical or emotional struggles when you come again in the new jerusalem...............
many of the emotional struggles I bring upon myself as i do not have patience, relax and just trust you..... i dont know how to trust, to love you....sheri said it was a journey......
this coming new year will you take me on this journey so that instead of looking at you tend the sheep and just gazing with longing for your arms and love, i might really know it......Know it.

i have been more patient with mum....thank you I see it...... the eagerness and longing has made me look clingy and dependent to matt and if it is right he will realize what it is that i ask for.......  I somehow cannot leave that to you either and i so want to....badly. 

i dob not want to drive away, but stay confident and strong in you.......................  I just do not want to be alone, please Shepherd, I beg of You.