Oh Jesus, Yeshua....
My heart is busting.... I "feel" so penniless and insecure cause all my money is gone.
Just paid another $700 minus $3 for the trip...thought it was gonna be $672.
I know Verona is trying to help me and for that I appreciate Your goodness for laying that upon her heart.
I wrote an "evil"...so it seems to MrJJohnson this morning but I felt like it really came from You....
I wrote:
"I am going to surprise you...maybe... with my assertiveness.
Your view of woman in general might be very accurate, I don't know.
Your view of me, throwing me in with all the rest of your generalizations of women, is not appreciated, nor does it please the Lord.
I am not like your other woman fans, your ex nor am I like anyone else.
I am a learning and growing woman with fairly high morals and values, low tolerance for ambivelant Christians or for Christians who judge others based on nonBiblical standards that they assume are Biblical.
I try and tackle my sin of fornication, always, and I find people who say they are believers in Jesus but have no Biblical values a pain in the side of other Christians. This does not honor our Lord in any way.
I have chatted with several men on CM, who like you, say they are committed Christians yet they do not want a relationship with a woman of value nor do they find me within the category of really a Biblical Christian woman because I am on this site and because I have an erotic tumblr.
Presently I am fighting a battle with satan in regrds to my weight, my faith that my Father wants to provide finances for my trip, my relationship with my Shepherd and I am attempting to secure for myself a "God attachment" that is much healthier than I have had in the past. The Father who so loved us . . . so loved us . . . gave His only Son on our behalf to redeem us from the junk of our lives so that we do not have to live in the wallow of the poor attachments we have made relationally with our parents, siblings, partners, friends and those with whom we work. We can, with the ability of the Holy Spirit and the fact that Jesus does understand, truly understands, our struggles, mature into more than we have ever hoped to become. . . . . IF we are willing to do the work and be in fellowship and truly desire our Lord to tenderly love us and reprove us and give us the desires of our hearts. But it takes work, prayerful and powerful work against the enemy who does NOT want us to be drawn into our Lord's embrace and wants us to stay stuck in the mire of our casual faith in Jesus.
I guess I am done..... I am sorry if this took you by surprise....it did me when I sat down here and the Lord wanted me to say something."
I listened to Bebo Norman as I got into my car last night....
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
God be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now
~~ I will Lift My Eyes, Bebo Norman
I am tired, down and need to hear that song..... cause I just do not know what else to do.
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