God/Shepherd breathed productive morning

I am creaming along today...actually since 3am (started the oven to clean while talking to Chrissy at work... the burning smell alerted me to the fact I left and melted the teapot in the oven...ok start over ...  lol) ....
slept some more . . . .

Called CA about my meds..... cannot afford 3 months worth...takes my whole check !  They are a mail order like UHP.  So am not sure what to do.

Emailed Bev Streit with a grand response.....

Ohhh how fun! And yes, you are more than welcome to stay with us!!! YEAH!!!

....and I may pick your brain about digital photography! ... they say 'if you can teach someone, then you really know the subject."  :)     

This trip will be soooo much fun! I'm thrilled you'll be on the team. 

... and flying into an international airport that is now made of tents? it's a riot!!! The Kenyans are doing a great job!

Emailed Zach and Arezou with a grand response, going Oct 12>13, via megabus, even if I have to park overnight in Milwaukee......

We are so sorry to hear about Princess, we know how much she means to you and understand how difficult it is to lose anyone or anything so close to our hearts. Trust me, we've been there.

We would, of course, love for you to come down in October! It is a particularly busy month for us and, due to Zachary's schedule (he's booked work-wise until about the end of the year and that means working 6-7 days a week) and some events going on that month, it will be a little tight but we can do Saturday morning on the 12th to Sunday morning the 13th if that works for you. We wish it could be the whole weekend but we'll make sure to do that another time. Also, just as a heads-up, we don't have a guest room just an air mattress which can go in our living room. Would that be ok?

We are so excited to see you and can't wait to spend some time showing you around our wonderful city! We love you and hope you have a great weekend!

Emailed more with Cindy . . . .

Emailed Leobah again.....

am thinking of this bracelet for gifts.....

which I think is really cool with all the buttons I have.....

And as I am rejoicing with all these good things I hear Matthew West singing....

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed,
And I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it's true
Just take a look at my life

What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King


And it is how my soul feels this morning....even if I do not get to the gym on this Friday afternoon.

Promises and faithfulness

I am, I suppose, speechless....milling all these things in my soul and spirit.

Self vs Christ consciousness ....

Wrestling with what aught to be placed at the foot of the cross immediately....

God is not a liar nor one to go back on His word.......but I "treat Him" as if I have never believed in His faithfulness , compassion, grace, mercy and His ability give to me His rest and peace- of mind and spirit. 

See hope journal. 

I believe an exercise of great worth, value and need is to keep a hand written journal of His promises to ME.  Very personal.  My promises from a loving Shepherd.  

Princess

I went looking for Priny again...over in the woods east of the condo's and posted about 4 houses and talked with 2 older men.  The man on his lawnmower says to me...  "I shouldn't tell you this..." he could see i was near crying but he says that there was a hawk that dumped animal remains in his yard...intestines and a tail, half the size of his baby finger, blackish fur.  He was sensitively kind when he told me.  I walked through the woods anyway...crying. Calling for Princess.

I will not shut my "screen" door...and I asked God for a sign....if the hawk ate her, please show me the hawk.  ???

I want to drink all day and shut off my feelings

Princess

Princess wondered off about 830pm Wednesday. It's been very cool at night with dew and Mary and I have looked for her. 

It's Friday am and no princess. As I was taking a last look at the garage last nite, I saw the grey and white stuffed cat Cindy have mum.  I took it to bed. 

I feel she lays unconscious somewhere, maybe dying alone. 

But I am still going to. Eg my Shepherd to bring home the lost kitty   She is all I have!!   Or that Yeshua brings me to find her. If she is in someone's home, she escapes. 

So my dearest Shepherd, once again, I will beg and plead with you today to keep her safe until she comes home. 

God's call, never understood absolutely or explained externally

I wrote to Bev:

Dearest Bev,  

Your loss has been on my heart.  

I know from experience, and from several close calls that finding a way out of the hell my heart and mind were in(at the time) that taking my own life seemed the only "logical" way out of my emotional dark hell hole.

It is a vortex that sucks in when standing too close to the edge and I have been there.

Getting to that point is a slow and deceptive journey....

I cry now as I write....  I was so "there" when I returned from Zimbabwe.  

I hug you and Barbie and your husbands in prayer... and all the lives who touched and were touched by Julie.

I was reading in O. Chambers devotional today and God simply told me to share it with you....  I hope it helps....

I hope you can open the attachment.

I felt compelled to write her, I believe directed by God when I read:

When I read Spurgeon:
God is always wise, and, knowing this (the believer) is confident that there can be no accidents, no mistakes; that nothing can occur which ought not to arise.

His method is sublime  (Of high spiritual, moral, or intellectual worth), His heart profoundly kind,
God is never before His time, and never is behind.


This is all a great comfort for me.....
Even if it was my will, vs God's, He has never been away from me and even in the journey, there were blessings, from HIM !!
Those times that I stood on the edge of the vortex, most recently when I holed myself up in the closet when my sisters tried to tell my dearest mum that the arrangement was NOT for her good... even in that circumstance, God was mysteriously doing what He wanted.

As I have failed time and time again to get my tax stuff prepared... His heart is profoundly kind and I MUST praise Him for His loving kindness..."For great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever." Ps 117.
He knows my struggles, He understand how overwhelming it is but He calls me to do this...all of it... as quickly as possible.

I pray that SeniorsMeet gives me back my $71 as I did mark NO auto renewal.
This money must go for car insurance of $75.

I must do this rummage sale "right".... to be diligent in getting it arranged and be able to sell as much as I can....that He will draw the folk in.

I pray that arrangements for Zimbabwe be NOT financially overwhelming and I have the money.....  with some left to pay next years property taxes.

My Shepherd is a God of possibilities not dead end misery and overwhelming chaos.

Be with Bev and the families...my heart is tender toward them all today.

Thank you that my "date" with Gene was not degrading.

Please have someone get me the Sukuloa's and Manyika's addresses.  I really need to tell them first hand of my coming.  And Shepherd, I really want to visit Karanda.

Steven.  Continue to work your mysteriousness with / between him and I.

God hears, He cares, and He comes !!

08.03.13

He Hears, He Cares, He Comes Exodus 3:7-10 "'I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them...'" (EXODUS 3:7-8)  There were long days of suffering; years of waiting. Those Israelite slaves surely experienced deep discouragement, honest questions about God's absence, and sincere wrestling to understand God's working. They must have understood the truth that Isaiah later expressed, direct from God: "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'" (Isaiah 55:8-9). We may not understand God's working, and certainly not His timing! Many of us have known long years of waiting for a sign of hope in a dark situation. But we can rest assured that He does hear, He does care, and - at the right time - He does come. Our task is simply to cry out to Him in prayer, to trust Him to know what is best for our needs, and to rest in His great compassion. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew11:28). INSIGHT "CAST ALL YOUR ANXIETY ON HIM BECAUSE HE CARES FOR YOU." (1 PETER 5:7)

i come to the garden alone

I guess this is how I feel when every morning I find myself swinging on the patio swing in front of my garden . . . . . .

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.

Refrain

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.

Refrain

I’d stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.

Refrain