Dearest Mary,

It appears my focus is all over the place instead of where it should be and I was almost sobbing the whole time tonight, as the tears stream down my face now.

We nailed to the cross, literally, one dysfunctional behaviour that we want to surrender to God. A beginning point after some learning on the subject.

One of my dysfunctional behaviours is isolating/avoiding/aloneness . . .. . . once again Sheri said:
The opposite of aloneness is love.

I beg and plead with Jesus for just a bit of love from those that I think matter to me and it means not feeling alone when with them, being intimately attached emotionally, always welcome and accepted by them and all the other warm human emotions we attach to someone whose time and attention we value.

Much like a cat or dog gives to its owner.

Every human being is born with innate deep longings that are of love, security/safety, understanding, purpose, significance and belonging. When one or more of these deep longings are not available, there is deep wounding.

The author of the book we are using, Terry Wardle and Sheri know first hand the struggle I have maintained either in the background or head on since the age of 3. The age I acutely remember being conditionally or unloved, misunderstand even as a child, without significance, brushed aside in purpose and not safe in the presence of one parent or the other.

I nailed to the cross a big step on my part ~~ surrender control of my feelings or emotions in what others say to me or how they feel about me, which puts me in great distress and emotional turmoil.
When criticized of this, I shrink back in pain and it triggers shame.

I come home and it is like no one is here. There is aloneness, which to me means no love or any deep core longings.
There is so much to learn and grow from....another 54 yrs of striving, but this time I so covet with God.
I love you Carl's Mary.