To Tim I wrote:

One of my dysfunctional behaviours is isolating/avoiding/aloneness . . .. . . once again Sheri said:
The opposite of love is aloneness.

I beg and plead for just a bit of love from those that I think matter to me and it means not feeling alone when with them, being intimately attached emotionally, always welcome and accepted by them and all the other warm human emotions we attach to someone whose time and attention we value.

Much like a cat or dog gives to its owner.

Every human being is born with innate deep longings that are of love, security/safety, understanding, purpose, significance and belonging. When one or more of these deep longings are not available, there is deep wounding.

The author of the book we are using, Terry Wardle and Sheri know first hand the struggle I have maintained either in the background or head on since the age of 3. The age I acutely remember being conditionally or totally unloved, misunderstand as a mere child, without significance, brushed aside in purpose and not safe in the presence of one parent or the other or both (as when they fought so).

I want to take a big step and work on ~~ surrendering control of my feelings or emotions in what others say to me or how they feel about me, which puts me in great distress and emotional turmoil.

When you "criticize" and remind me of this, I shrink back in pain and it triggers shame.
I thought I would share this with you tonight.