missing group

missing group is hard ..... not physically but emotionally.

The prospect of learning and nowing more about myself and God is so scary I want to turn and run and would rather continue to avoid in insifferable pain than to pick up where I left off.

Lesson 3: to trust or not to trust.
Feelings tell us a great deal about what we believe about our world, our God and ourselves.

The God I am afraid to trust is not the true living God, but the false god I have created.

Without realizing it, I began trusting a false god long before the feelings of abandonment, isolation and avoidance leeched like growing roots, grashing and choking long before I recognized I even had a problem.
It is like dealing with the roots in the yard, attempting to deal with the cement they have found to awrap themselves around and their unforgiving hold so I might plant bulbs.

Blind trust

     passive mistrust

     aggressive mistrust

My own experience of trust with other people is often projected upon my relationship with God.

Either near or far, past or present, I have never been abandoned by my Shona "family", Pastor Jerry's teaching, Elizabeth and Carl's Mary.