When I am bored or have time to waste and have opportunity, I browse through pins on Pinterest.
Excellent crafty/fix things up suggestions.
Recipes I want to try.
I check photography out.
all kinds of stuff . . . . .
Last night I found this one . . . . I cried myself to sleep because this all seems surreal too me.
You and me.
Why? The only things I know about you is your desire to control me and fuck me; you are Matt's nephew, your cousin died, you have a mom, you live somewhere in OK (probably Tulsa area), you once worked in an oil refinery, . . . . . much of that I trust to be true., and you wont answer personal questions about yourself. . . . its like you wont even acknowledge them~ only rarely.
I know that you have a truck, sold a boat, agonized over your cousin dying, screwed a high school friend 3 months ago, that your mom is "ok" with your woman being (probably) older than she is.
I have no idea really what Matt told you about me...tis why I send/share my silly life with you.
If this isn't real, I will go crashing down into a very dark black hole.
I have been so open and vulnerable with a man who I have never seen nor heard his voice.
>>>>Then last night I had one of my reoccurring dreams .. . . . . I find myself back in Zimbabwe at Karanda, desperately hoping to fit in. . . . my therapist once told me because it is a period of my life that meant something to me and I was truly happy. truly serving humanity, truly free and fulfilled. I want to return so badly....but life doesnt seem to make it possible.<<<<<
i told you last week or so, I need more. Not more time talking about how you will use me and how your desires have overwhelmed you... Ya know, I get that ! I need to know more about you . . . . your willingness to share with me..... answering my questions when I do ask them.
your favorite football team
where you work
your goal for 2 years from now
what you do on your weekend . . . (you rarely contact me)
... in your evenings (you never contact me)
a n y t h i n g.
You have been open and vulnerable about your desires, even sending me a photo. . . . but you have alife you have not shared with me.
OK, I am a big girl now, I need to dry the tears, take a shower and take care of some things.
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