Sept 23

It is strange to realize that all I remember of the last 4 weeks is not just the pain, it was different. .. . .but the lying around, lost days drooling in pain, the crying at night becaue of the pain and the fact that I really needed my sheep and knowing my Shepherd was there, carrying me, holding me, allowing only the pain I could bare.  There were the times of dribbling each time I had to pee and Mary generiously and mercifull cleaning it up, never saying a word.

The days lost to just sleeping, being doped up, my torture chanber (my sleeping companion) sqweaking misearably, keeping others awake at night and bothered during the day; the home made balanced and delicious food; and the push from Mary to walk (head up) and to poop!  LOL

She was so good to me.

When Bill and Mary brought me home ~ they bought essential groceries, handle bars for the bath and helped me figure out what, how and why.

Last week when Mary brought me home I offended them by giving them $160.00.  I gave an excuse of pay it forward; but I just really wanted to help with the money they spend on me and that is the amount God put into my hand.  I felt like a thief caught in the middle of the night raiding the ice cream carton!!!   I was so ackward.  Then there is Larry who wont help unless he gets cash and Cheryt the sort of friend you give money too because she needs it, ("oh no, no, no") but the minute I turn back, the money is gone.

Today I am just lonesome and still have much to do with my taxes.
I am proud of myself for cleaning up my yearly business stuff, having a filing system and now moving it all into the back (well, there will be a time when I wont call it "mum's room" at all) so I can figure all my back taxes in the next few weeks.

Today I am troubled about Matt and embarrassed they fought over me and Matt would think I would ever give up on him.  He is oh so wrong !!!!
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