I wrote to Mary, but realized my letter was also a prayer to my Shepherd.

I so appreciate that I can read my Bible with a clear mind and heart....  I was so wanting to when I was at your house, i felt like I lost 2 weeks of time with my Lord. . . .  but I really had not.    I knew that each time I snuggled with my sheep, my Shepherd knew what I needed....I just lacked the passion to believe.  I read this this morning and it spoke to me in such a wonderful way ~~~~ (3 different versions)

21 Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?""From childhood," he answered.  22 "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

23 "'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for one who believes."

24 Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

NIV

23 Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen."

24 No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"

The Message

At once the father of the boy gave [an eager, piercing, inarticulate] cry with tears, and he said, Lord, I believe! [Constantly] help my weakness of faithhe boy gave [an eager, piercing, inarticulate] cry with tears, and he said, Lord, I believe! [Constantly] help my weakness of faith

Amplified

I remember one day, in all the days of darkness and doubt before I got Medicaid and knew Disability was hopefully on the way as well... that i desperately cried and said "I am so sorry for my doubts and unbelief in You helping me Lord"..... I just could not see past the valley thick with horror that my Shepherd was right there with me and He had me in His arms . . . . just like when i got out of surgery and for those 3 1/2 weeks that were so terribly hard.

I read the devotional this morning~~ ". . . .the man's faith had taken a beating, so he began his request with, "If you can...."

If. Endless possibility is wrapped in that tiny word... possibility accessed by faith in the One who makes all things possible. At Jesus' prompt, the father recognized his own limitations. "Help me overcome my unbelief!" 
Like the disciples, we may spend just enough time with Jesus to think we have all we need to handle anything that comes our way. But all things are possible only when we recognize the limits of our own abilities and rely on His power to do the impossible." 

My faith and belief in God's sovereignty had taken a beating and for far too long.......