I wrote to Sheri ~~

7 (I think) weeks and I barely remember going through the first 3 1/2 wks with Mary, esp the first week at home.  That is a lost "memory."

Alone, afraid, full of pain, barely able to get on or off the toilet or take a shower, no one to help and no one to call.  Such aloneness.

I am so much better now.  Last weekend with the change of weather or something, my energy was zero, my pain and anxiety was high and all I wanted was someone to hold on to.  Oh well  ...I am finding SO many similarities between mum and me and what she must have gone through with and without dad (the way he was his last 7 yrs, is not the man she so loved).

I KNOW it is Satan shaming me or trying to quilt trip me for not being there for mom, instead I was in my own selfish cave......but I know what is happening and I tell him good bye in the power of my risen Lord...get away from me.

I am off Medicaid and they left me 2 months in a gap with no medicial care.  Medicare starts 12/1....... ya and I am left to figure all this out.

I ask myself often, what did mum do?  How did mum handle these decisions?

Lucky I have some money for this gap which is filled with a visit back with Dr Stone and 6 more PT sessions.  I hope Aurora has a discount for cash payers.

I have taken some of the money from the disability fund and am finishing a to do list.  Not big....It's mum's car (really still yet) so I had it detailed, things like that.  I had her violin picture fixed (she loved it so) . . . .  but the past months with only a frustrating cry out to God daily, I learned how to be frugal and very careful with every cent.  So I shall continue.

Princess is not well....I was already grieving over loosing her too this morning...so to the Vet we go this afternoon.

All is well for the time being.  I found a great verse this morning in Matt 12...does not God love man more than your sheep.....

Sheri wrote back

.I hear how difficult it has been and I am so sorry life is soooo hard right now.  Your Shepherd is with you and that's the only way you can make it through.  Your reliance on Him and His nurturing, attentive care will keep you going.  There are brighter days ahead, you just can't see them over the mountain (of difficulty) peaks.  I am still praying for you...Sheri