To Sheri
Today i spent the day practicing present perfect.... I didnt realize how much I had been practicing until I realized, I'd been here before more than once..... with the TV off and nothing to do but to do what I need to do....there is a lot of room for just quiet meditation and practicing being with my Shepherd.    I am not prone to being on the internet either....I come here to Cheryl's house and use the computer twice a day.......    

It's harder for me to journal, cause i usually do that when I am devotioning or when something comes to me...but copy paste works well.   i am much more content than I thought I would be.....  still job hunting....  going to workforce developement on Monday and stopping into Home Depot, bed bath abd Beyond and Mileagers...I applied there last week.....  I am making an attempt to just make myself a pest if need be....but a polite charming pest.

I wrote another mail to Chrissy..... just attempting to keep my nose in her face.  Cheryl said my mail was well written and unpretencious......

thanks for praying....i feel it a lot ....  wish i could come and just talk.... when i can do so......

From Sheri 

ElLois,  I am so proud of you.  You are pressing in and finding what the Shepherd has for you as He walks with you through the valley of the shadow of death.  More then anything, He wants you, your trust, your feelings, your needs, your clinging to Him.  He is so faithful to be trusted, but we don't know that until we are in a place of having nowhere else to go but to Him.  I will keep praying that the Lord will have His way, His plans and purposes for your life fulfilled and experienced, and that you find His heart for you in all that you are going through.  Keep your focus on Him and He will guide you through with spiritual blessings and comfort and  peace....Sheri    

Last night I brought out my book PERFECT PRESENT and the Prayer of Surrender......

I got through the prayer of surrender this time.....  focused on one sentence....

My God, I want to give myself to You.  Give me the courage to do this.  My spirit within me sighs after You.  Strengthen my will.  Take me.  If I don't have strength to give You everything, then draw me by the sweetness of Your love.  Lord, who do I belong to, if not You?  What a horror to belong to myself and to my passions!

Help me to find all my happiness in You, for there is no happiness outside of You...............

Oh God, You only make me love You.  Why should I fear to give You everything and draw close to You?  To be left to the world is more frightening than this!  Your mercy can overcome any obstacle. I am unworthy of You, but I can become a miracle of Your grace.

Earlier  yesterday I was so in perfect present and realized it....I had been walking the edge of present perfect all day and when I put Selah's CD on, Be Still My Soul.... it was like I was there.....surrendered and knowing to whom I belonged and that it was ok.....  

Can I bring the Lord back into my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind?

I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question.

I was telling.sharing with God last night that I seem to have it all turned around.... I desire intimacy with Matt more than with God/my Shepherd.... and that I think it is based on the concept of service.  I desire to serve Matt and I can do so tangible but service for God is something I cannot get my head around it right now....I seem to be so far away.......